A recent incident reminded me of a column I wrote a short while back. Here it is, uncut this time:

Now according to all the motoring organisations, women are safer drivers than men and have less accidents etc etc, so far be it for me to argue with such authority. They are less aggressive than men to be sure and one rarely sees a woman jumping out of a 4×4 snarling and wielding a baseball bat. But here’s the thing, they may well be better drivers but they sure as hell can’t park.

Only the other day, whilst sauntering passed a lap dancing club (and no I didn’t go in, there was a Feminista demo going on outside the place, something to do with women getting stuck to poles?), I encountered one female of the species trying to park a small Fiat in a space big enough for a Combine Harvester.

I couldn’t help but stop and observe the lady’s determination as she tried to park her car. It really was something to behold. Having re-arranged the curb and pavement slabs a couple of times, she sensibly decided that it was just not going to happen, gave up and drove off – nearly splattering an unsuspecting cyclist in the process.

Every man out there is aware of the undeniable fact that women simply cannot park a car – although in the interests of fairness and in order to keep Guardian readers happy and those inclined to wail ‘sexist!’ at any man who just happens to challenge female might in all things, there are of course exceptions. My own missus not being one of them it must be said, to date, she has managed to mutilate a parking meter, demolish a pillar or two and had more bumpers replaced than a Formula 1 racing car unable to pass a pit stop.

No doubt, this particular column will raise the odd feminist yelp of outrage – I’m hardly renowned for being a people pleaser after all – but the fact remains, and from a man who has had considerable ‘ ladies behind the wheel’ experience, women can’t park a car and that’s that!

Julian Ruck – Editor